If Chad was In Charge of the World

If I were in charge if the world
I'd cancel chromebooks,
weekdays, and also
college tuition.

If I were in charge of the world
there'd be an air conditioner for every penguin,
Diet Coke in every vending machine, and
Melissa McCarthy would be our queen.

If I were in charge of the world,
you wouldn't have 6 A.M classes.
You wouldn't have speed limits.
You wouldn't have man-buns.
Or "Stop telling me puns."
You would never have to stop.

If I were in charge of the world
a buffalo chicken wrapper
with fries would be a vegetable.
All of my time would be free.
And a person who sometimes forgot to say farewell.
and sometimes forgot his hair gel
would still be allowed to be
in charge of the world.